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The Newsletter of the Colorado Herpetological Society

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Debunking Herpetological Myths

The following information is offered in the hope that it will help to correct this inequity. In Part I, for general readers, we wish to present the facts regarding certain fallacies that have gained currency. Part II, for the serious student of herpetology, consists of basic guidelines for care and feeding.

I.   FACTS AND FALLACIES

Shaking hands with a herpetologist can give you warts.

Clammy palms notwithstanding, shaking hands with a herpetologist will give you no more than a momentary shudder. You can't get warts from a herpetologist unless you kiss it.

A herpetologist will go out of its way to attack.

Wrong. The herpetologist is actually a shy creature, and usually seeks only to escape when surprised. It will defend itself vigorously, however, if you inadvertently step on its thesis.

Herpetologists swallow their young to protect them.

This absurd superstition no doubt arose from two entirely disparate facts:

1) herpetologists are often found surrounded by juvenile herpetologists; and

2) adult herpetologists are usually seen to have their mouths open.

Let us make one thing perfectly clear: herpetologists do not swallow their offspring. Only ichthyologists do that.

Herpetologists live for centuries.

The average life span of a herpetologist is not as long as was once supposed. Studies of captive herpetologists indicate that most herpetologists live only as long as they are allowed to, and no longer.

Herpetologists hypnotize their prey.

This fallacy no doubt gained popular credence because so many people faint or are stunned to immobility when confronted with a herpetologist. A herpetologist may bore you to numbness, but it will not and cannot hypnotize you.

There is a "hoop" herpetologist that rolls down hills.

Not so. The person that started this rumor probably saw a herpetologist rolling down a hill yelling "Hoop hoop hoop!" This is not a "hoop" herpetologist, but a common herpetologist (H. mirabilis) that has stumbled over a beehive.

II.   THE KEEPER AND THE KEPT

How to capture a herpetologist.

Be a good listener with a strong stomach.

Care and feeding of the herpetologist.

Herpetologists are astonishingly easy to care for. They should be kept warm and dry and provided with ultra-violet light. They can be persuaded to accept such diverse food items as potato chips, beef, and their own words. Under no circumstances should you offer them turtle soup or frog's legs; their digestive systems seem to reject these delicacies. Offer fresh water daily. If your herpetologist's eyes turn blue, offer him a rough object to look at and they will clear up.

Diseases of the herpetologist.

Herpetologists are much like many other mammals -- the wart hog and the chimpanzee come to mind -- and have much the same pathology. Do not become overly concerned if your herpetologist appears ill. However, if it lies without moving for more than two weeks, you'd better get yourself another herpetologist.

What to do if bitten by a herpetologist.

Sweet surrender!!!