Archives of The Cold Blooded News

The Newsletter of the Colorado Herpetological Society

Volume 29, Number 9;   September, 2002

Lessons

Most of the important things in life I learned from my children.
A mother's point of view.

by Joy Kinnaman

I grew up in a house where dad was king and knew everything. Mom stayed home to take care of house and kids. We had dogs to keep intruders away and cats to kill the mice and rats living in the barn. All animals lived outside and all pets were fuzzy and warm. When someone saw a snake of any sort we ran screaming to get dad so he could kill it (yes, I know, we were uneducated heathens).

Over the years I have learned little bits and pieces about many different things, from and with all of my children. Motorcycles, car parts, the use of hand and power tools (how a tape measure can be so far off is still a mystery to me); basketball, soccer, chickens, ducks, goats (they don't eat blackberries unless you want to keep those blackberries), horses (I thought I knew it all), patience, temperance, tolerance, acceptance and understanding (still working on those last few). From my middle child I learned the most amazing things. He started out as a two year old, insisting I turn over the compost pile at least 4 times a week so he could collect the worms (ugh!), and then put them back. (the compost pile didn't have a chance but he did learn how to count). It was known by anyone who invited us to their homes, that he would rearrange all rocks, boards, tarps, landscape blocks and any other moveable objects outside. He has always been interested in all those things I once was terribly afraid of or thought gross, no matter how much I tried to interest him in other things. Instead of trying to fit this round child into our square lives, we humored him thinking he would outgrow all that (didn't work).

Of course my first reaction is always No! When he wants some new creature that makes me nervous but we can't all like the same things (of course he occasionally reminds me that an 1100 pound horse is as potentially dangerous and much more unpredictable then anything he has). Because I like cute and fuzzy doesn't mean he has to like cute and fuzzy. To keep up with him and help him with his animals, I have learned too, what wonderful creatures herps are. Even though they don't respond to us like our warm blooded animals, each has its own personality and identity. I even find myself talking to snakes when I know very well that they can't hear me (much like children, I think). I had no idea of how interesting and diverse herps are because I had never taken the time to learn.

As his collection of snakes, lizards, and other strange things grows (his "stunted" Burmese Python grew 2 feet in the last year and we have written off the family room because it's full of critters and their cages), so does his knowledge and responsibility. I've learned great things about him that I may never have known had I been able to make him be someone other then himself. He can be much more calm in a crisis then I am, he has an excellent memory for details, is very responsible, works hard to do things as they should be done and has a desire to learn as much as he can. He feeds them, cleans up after them (for the most part) and has incubated and brooded over several clutches of baby bearded dragons. We have made several mistakes (some that still make me cry) but each one has made us more aware of how careful we must be.

I spent some time at OMSI last summer holding animals while people walked by and asked questions and touched them. I was surprised at the mothers who couldn't bring themselves to touch a snake or lizard (although a lot did). I wanted to coax them just to touch, it won't hurt and there are not many things that give you the impression of awesome strength, like the feeling of muscles in a boa or python as it moves through your hand or the exhilarating experience of having a cobra, all hooded up, watching your face (exhilarating, not terrifying, because this cobra has no venom). At some point that weekend, I stopped myself and remembered that I was like them until my son came along and insisted that warm and fuzzy wasn't the only way to be. Those same muscles in the Python are awesome, in a frightening way too.

How much I have learned since his first snake find (look at the giant worm, Momma!). I would never have believed that I would be comfortable holding unfuzzy critters, talking to them, petting them (like they care!) and even really caring about them. I have cleaned house, done laundry and conducted business over the phone while holding snakes or lizards while their cages were being cleaned. By the way, they never bark, talk back, whine or purr in your face at 2:00 a.m. and hardly ever potty on the carpet. I still don't care for "bugs" but I have touched the fur on the leg of a tarantula (an experience similar to hanging by a thread from the tallest cliff in the world) and allowed a giant hissing cockroach to sit on my hand, while praying it wouldn't move and cause me to fling it across the room (another cliff experience).

Our lives have changed so much in the past few years since he got his first lizard. My freezer has several brown paper bags and specially labeled containers (never to be confused with the freezer jam containers) that I don't even want to look in (we have learned to buy feeders frozen because the live ones tend to become his sisters pets). We have learned not to look in the laundry sink when it's feeding time. Our mail carrier probably thinks we are all crazy since some of our mail makes noises. We have Listerine bottles everywher, bags of wood shavings, critter keepers and sweater boxes, pooper scoopers, cans of vitamins, crickets (very smelly creatures they are and very good escape artists), hissing cockroaches (no Mom, you are not allowed to kill them), and I'm sure we buy enough light bulbs to personally keep GE in business.

Over the years I have found, if we stop to listen to our children (occasionally) and not insist that they be, have and do, just like us, we can learn and grow so much more. Still don't know the answers to many questions (the older the kids get the harder the questions), but I will always be glad we let him be active in what interests him the most.

I've met some of the nicest and most caring people through my children. The people from NWHKA have been so helpful, kind and welcoming. I appreciate you all so much for taking time to help us learn and grow. Belonging to a group that is so happy to support and help has been wonderful for both of us!